Here are some weird, occasionally funny conversations I’ve had on the plane. A couple of these have taken place several times, but most of them are one-offs.
- What Language is that?
Why is there French on the plane?
This is a Canadian airline. We have to use both official languages.
But we’re flying from [any city not in Quebec]! Who the hell speaks French?
Half the Crew and several other passengers: I do.
- Why do I have to rent a blanket? What airline rents blankets? This is ridiculous.
I’m not sure where you got that impression. You have to purchase the blanket kit, but it’s yours to keep.
Yeah well, since when do airline’s charge for blankets?
Wanted to say: Since SARS.
Actually said: Most airlines charge for blanket kits, they have for a long time.
- *I’m collecting garbage in the cabin when a passenger hands me an empty pop can*
*I twist the can and press it down into a puck before putting it in the gash cart*
Wow, you’re really strong.
Oh that? People are impressed by it, but I think it’s just Soda-Pressing.
- (On a flight from Cuba) Can I ask you a hypothetical question?
If I brought cigars with me, can I take them into the country?
Yes, of course. Cuban Cigars are completely legal in Canada.
Well, I have a connecting flight back to the USA.
Oh. Cuban cigars are illegal in the States.
So I shouldn’t tell them I have them?
Are you asking me if I think you should break the law?
Hypothetically, you should not break the law.
- Can I use my cell phone?
Yeah, as long as it’s in airplane mode.
But I want to make a call.
Mostly because we’re at 35,000 feet. There’s no cell phone service this high up. But also because it’s a safety requirement. You’re not allowed to use devices that are sending or receiving a signal.
But why not? I want to make a call.
I’m… I’m not sure how to better explain this.
- *Over the PA* “…please remain seated until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate, and most importantly the seat-belt sign must be switched off.”
*Plane stops short of the gate. Seat-belt sign is still on* Everyone stands up.
“What did I just say?”
- *Pilot steps out of the flight deck, looks into the cabin, and turns off the lights*
What are you doing?
The lights don’t need to be on.
We need the lights to do our service.
But the lights should be off.
They actually shouldn’t be. Not according to the service guide.
Well they’re better off.
Okay, well if you’d like to make that call you can apply to be a cabin manager and then play with the lights all you like. Until then I’ll decide what’s best for the cabin crew.
- Can I have a vodka, please?